Ribena + Vodka = Stoned me

2329hrs: Had a flash of inspiration to mix Ribena with Vodka today. So got myself a bottle of Ribena and mixed it with generous amounts of Absolut Vodka and here I am. Properly stoned. There isn't any particular reason why I'm drinking. Just wanted to relax. Had a good workout in the evening and just wanted to relax. Did I just say I wanted to relax twice? Oh brother...it's starting. I'm not out to get drunk though. Just wanna get high, have a listen to some excellent tunes and just wind down. It's a shame I don't have Doom 3 right now. Alcohol, adrenaline and violence are a lethal mix. Nothing like being drugged and blasting away at cretins with a fully loaded chain gun.

I've put in motion my plan to lose weight. Actually, not so much the weight but the fats and taking my doc's advice to reduce my cholesterol while it's still only marginally high. Went cycling today and was surprised I could reach Punggol End without panting very much. Still had enough oomph left to cycle the length of Punggol Rd twice.

I've decided to adopt this route for my cardio training regime. The steep inclines available there give a challenging workout. I'd say 3 times a week of this and I should be pretty fit by next month.

I'm helping the fat reduction along by cutting my carbohydrate intake by half. Although figuring what's healthy enough to eat is gonna be a real headache. But I'm just avoiding most oliy and fried stuff. Of course if all else fails, I could go on a diet of tuna bread and fruits for a few weeks.

So this is my stats as it stands now:

Weight: 70kg
Height: 1.77m
Waist: 35.5inches

Let's see if the waist gets reduced in a month's time.

Ok I'm properly properly stoned now and I've gotta hit the bed soon before my whole world goes topsy turvy.

Goodnight...ha...don't even know who I'm saying goodnight to.

Of course I'd much rather be saying goodnight and giving a kiss to ma cherie right now. But of course that's not gonna happen is it?

Goodnight ma cherie @ 2354hrs

分手總要在雨天

0022hrs: I'll be seeking solace in this song tonight. I'm not allowing the mourning to go on any further. After tonight, I'll have to pull myself together because I can't spend any more time pussy footing when I've got a study schedule to keep. I haven't gotten much work done in the last two weeks and I am now behind my study schedule. Yes, I miss her but I can't let myself be affected by it anymore. Whatever happens, happens. Just as well I can't do anything about it.

This song is perhaps my all-time favourite cantonese love song. I've been playing it regularly for so long and I'm still not sick of it. How could I? This song is the only reason why I want to learn the language so badly. I want to be able to appreciate this song as what the writer intended it to be. I know that through the English translation the true meaning of it's cantonese lyrics can get diluted in the process, because I can understand some cantonese. I just wished I was able to fully appreciate the entire song.

I don't know why listening to such melancholy helps but it does. And I always found it easier to relate to lost love than love found.

I am so tired of what I've been feeling the last couple of days. It's time to stop. And I need a good night's rest tonight to get myself back on track.

I shan't deny myself of slumber any longer.

分手總要在雨天　張學友

晨曦細雨　重臨在這大地　人孤孤單單躲避
轉身剎那　在這熟悉的路旁　察覺身後路人是你
如一套戲　重逢在這舊地　而彼此不知怎預備
一些嘆氣　跟一串慰問　和隨便說一些讚美

為何你眼光年月未變　思憶怎麼要再返舊年
你說要走的一晚　綿綿夜雨　也似這天
總要在雨天　逃避某段從前　但雨點偏偏促使這樣遇見
總要在雨天　人便掛念從前　在痛哭擁抱告別後從沒再見

而一個我　言詞漸覺乏味　人不知怎麼躲避
終於看見　在這熟番的路旁　那個他靜靜凝望你
而一個你　重望別這舊地　臨走的一刻親近地
輕輕送我　多真摯慰問　尤如逝去當天語氣

I need sleep.... @ 0047hrs

Note: Switch your text encoding to Unicode(UTF-8) to view the chinese text

天意

0056hrs: Do you know why I have been so attracted to 劉德華's songs for the longest time? It is because like this song, it accurately portrays the emotions I have felt before and am feeling now. You can feel the hurt, sorrow and pain in his voice. It allows my emotions to manifest in a way I can't do on my own. Yes, pain, sorrow, regrets are all that dominate my conciousness now.

I screwed my chances with you when I said those things to you. I have no excuses for being a bastard but I am sorry. Still my sorrow can't overcome your pride. We've had some really good times and it is those memories that make it so hard to forget.

My mind has closed and I can't put into words what I'm feeling anymore. Unlike 劉德華, I have no sorrowful song to sing. All I can do is mourn our love in my own way. In silence.


誰在乎我的心裡有多苦
誰在意我的明天去何處
這條路究竟多少崎嶇多少坎坷途
我和妳早已沒有回頭路

我的愛藏不住　任憑世間無情的擺佈
我不怕痛不怕輸
只怕是再多努力也無助

如果說一切都是天意
一切都是命運　終究已注定
是否能再多愛一天
能再多看一眼　傷會少一點

如果說一切都是天意
一切都是命運　誰也逃不離
無情無愛此生又何必

無情無愛此生我認命

If only my sorrow could be made into such poetry...... @ 0121hrs

Note: You need to set your browser's text encoding to Unicode(UTF-8) in order to view the chinese characters correctly. If the blog title appears as 'Tian Yi', you've got it.

6 Months

1405hrs: So it's now over. And I'm supposed to forget everything that has happened between us in the last 6 months. 6 months, today was supposed to be our 6 month anniversary but instead of happy celebrations filled with sweet nothings, it's marked the end of our time together. All the plans we made about how this day would be spent now serve as barbs to remind me of what could've been. The week before all this happened, I had the best time with you up till Thursday when all this started. It makes it doubly difficult to forget after that wonderful weekend we spent and the weekdays I picked you up from work. The smses, all the love and attention. I miss you, do you know or care?

I made a mistake. I said things to you I immediately regretted saying. And your pride doesn't allow you to forgive me. But I feel that the things I've learnt about you in the last few days could've only made our relationship better. I really wanted things to work out, I really wanted you.

I wonder how long it'll take for me to not think about you everytime I go past Serangoon. Our quiet evening strolls through Plantation Ave. I loved watching you wave excitedly while beaming a smile everytime you walk towards me on the street. I always found it so adorable. It hurts that I won't have those moments any longer.

I'll only allow myself to grieve over our relationship today. Tomorrow I'll surrender to the relentless march of time. Lose myself in things I have to do and hopefully the hurt will subside in time. But I can't help but miss you for a long time to come.

I miss you, baby.

Thanks for the memories and the happy moments you've granted me the last 6 months.

6 months of missing you? @ 1437hrs

Everything hurts..

0013hrs: The last few days have been turbulent. My baby's taken on a completely different personality. She was nice and affectionate for most of last week and now out of the blue, she tells me she wants her space. Monday to Thursday she was fine. Then I don't hear from her on Thursday night. On Friday when we were supposed to go out, I don't hear from her either. Called her on Saturday and she says she wants to be away from me over the weekend. Met her today and wanted an explanation for her behaviour over the weekend and she says nothing's wrong. Called her in the evening to ask if she wanted something to eat and she later told me that it was 'clingy' of me to do so. Tells me she doesn't want me to disturb her during working hours and all. We used to talk during working hours too and it was never a problem but today, she scolded me on MSN, blocked me and was just so mean to me on the phone. I can't fathom this drastic change in personality. I haven't done anything different from the time we started out till last week.

Maybe she's going through some tough time and she's taking it out on me. But it was impossible to talk to her just now. So much so that I stomped off only to realize later I needed to get on the same bus to go where I had to go. I know there's no point in sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong. But I have never seen her like this before. In the last 6 months with her, this is perhaps the worst I've ever been treated by her. It's hurting as much as it stuns but I've decided to let things smooth themselves out and give her space. I can't fix it by trying to figure out what's going on with her. Either she'll tell me or I'll go on in life not knowing what's caused this change. Assuming she and I will ever speak again as a couple.

All I know now is that I am thoroughly confused. Not only that, my entire body is aching. I don't know why but all my joints are aching quite badly. Perhaps the weather's to blame or perhaps it's a physiological representation of my emotions.

I guess the worse feeling now is being made to feel like an annoyance to the person you've always focused your affections on.

I can only shake my head in answer to every question I have about her right now. Nothing's making sense.

It's hurting @ 0041hrs

Knock it down?

0717hrs: Alright. I'm one of the lucky few who never knew what SOC is all about. Or be asked to 'knock it down'. God knows who was bored enough to come up with this patriotic clip. But some of it is funny though.



0719hrs

Anguish!

0333hrs: That's all that I'm feeling now. Woke up early this morning to pick up my friends and drove the bunch of us down to Sim Lim Square to get all the PC parts. Spent 5 freaking hours there with the car draining my cash card away in the super RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE car park which in all took SGD$15 from me! Rushed home just in time to return the rented Ford Laser. Missed the entire assemblying process of my new baby. And now I'm being insulted sitting here using my old system while my brand new SGD$2290(for everything in the CPU Tower including the speakers) system sits pretty next to it.

Left: NEW, Right: OLD, DUH!


Apparently there's a fault in the BIOS or something. My IT Tech friends are troubleshooting it right now and will come by again to fix it up in about 11 hours time.

Even though I'm so freaking tired from driving around all day and standing for 5 hours in Sim Lim, I can't get to sleep. I'm too excited about the thought of being able to play my PC games again. It's that so near yet so far feeling. It's like having a brand new Ferrari F430 delivered to you one bright and early Sunday morning with a broken tranny sitting pretty in the driveway. It's such a sickening feeling!

I'm sitting here fantasising about playing Microsoft's Flight Simulator 2004. Flying the Panavia Tornado GR.3 Low-level Swing-Wing Fighter / Bomber. Do a standard formation take-off from John F. Kennedy Airport and high-tail it all the way to San Francisco, CA and breaking the sound barrier right UNDER the Golden Gate Bridge. Something that's bloody illegal to even do in real life. Though those people that fly the thing routinely fly at much lower altitudes than that. Mostly tree-top level at 480 - 580 knots(IAS).

Panavia Tornado GR.1:




And after that do a air to air refuel while enroute back to RSAF's Changi Air Base to immediately land and take-off again in the F-16C / D Block 52 Falcon. Form up with a SIA 747 Jumbo and escort it on it's way through the Kangaroo Route. And periodically breaking away to force down(by any means necessary, keyword: ANY) any Qantas flight along the way(I read sometime back about the Oz govt not allowing SIA a piece of some route to Oz). And after that maybe take the scenic route home through the Himalayas and giving any Everest climbers a real headache.

F-16C / D Falcon:








A low-level through the skyscrapers in NYC would be fun! Especially cresting the Empire State, not like the pple who fly these things get to do it for real.

YES!, that's the scenario possible with Flight Simulator 2004 and it's numerous add-ons that my system now is more than capable of running. I'm dying to fly again after a 4 year hiatus.

A very expensive day:

Well, at least it's S$500 cheaper than the DIY system I bought in Nov '99. But then again, I bought an entire system back then. Monitor, keyboard, etc.

Glossary

Panavia Tornado: A swing-wing(aka Variable Geometry) fighter bomber born(also available in an Air Defence version) from a joint project by UK, Germany, Italy and Spain. For more detailed info, visit http://www.tornado-data.com/ .

Note: Janan you should go read about this swing-wing thing(unless you know it already). Should be pretty interesting for you. The best of both worlds. Speed & Stability!

F-16C/D Falcon: The most successful fighter built to date. Almost every ally of the US have this in their Air Farce(*intentional). Too lazy to talk about this very popular jet. Go read at http://www.f-16.net/index.php .

IAS: If you don't know what this means, you won't bother to remember even if I told you.

DISCLAIMER: I do not enjoy shooting down poor innocent airliners. That thing about the Kangaroo Route was just an example of my sick sense of humour. Of course I would never do something like that other than in a VIRTUAL & SIMULATED enviroment. If you were offended, BOO HOO! Go read some other blog if you couldn't tell I was kidding.

With broken wings @ 0419hrs