Photo test...

2337hrs: A friend showed me a model car forum recently and I saw a couple nice shots featuring a pair of Ferrari F40s. It got me wondering if I could achieve the same shots. So I went out and got a pair of 'daylight' flourescent bulbs, a few sheets of art paper for a background, hooked up my digicam and fired away. But just after 10 shots my camera died. So I only managed two good shots with the limited time I had. Which is why only the Nissan Skyline R34 JGTC is featured. But I would really like to do the same shots with my Lamborghini once I have the cam charged up again.

The inspiration....


The results...


Test shot


The only good pic

But I think I'm being held back by equipment though. Considering my Powershot A80 is only capable of giving me an aperture up F8, the depth of field suffers abit. Which leads to a less 'composed' picture. So I'm pretty much limited to close up shots. Which kinda sucks. But I guess I'll have to make do till I can afford something better. *sigh*

Better shots next time........@ 2346hrs

I want my own bike.....now!

1320hrs: Ok, I didn't do too well for the last bike lesson I attended. More cause I haven't been sleeping well. Another reason is that I only ride the bike once a week. Which doesn't allow me much time to acquaint myself with the controls. But once a week is all the time I can afford. A bike of my own seems so far away now. I should've taken my bike lessons back in the army when I had all the time in the world. God knows when I'll be able to have a dirtbike of my own.

Speaking of bikes, there're two really nice CBR1000RR Fireblades parked downstairs beside my office building. These babies are really what I aspire to own some day. What surprised me was that one of the bikes is owned by a petite looking girl. I mean it's a girl riding a big testosterone injected fire breathing sports bike! That's such a cool chick! I have an idea to leave a note on her bike saying something like 'If you let me ride your bike, I'll let you ride me any way you want =oP '. Ok I know. The note was in bad taste but I found it funny anyway. Of course I'm not gonna do something like that. I'm not that insane.

*sigh* When will I ever own a beast like that. I've been spending my lunch time browsing through the 'for sale' section of a local bike forum looking at these beasts for sale. This only drives me deeper into resignation that I might never get my own bike afterall. Considering how slow progress is for my bike license.



This is perhaps the bike I want the most. It's never left my mind since I saw Dr Gregory House riding it in Season 2. I mean there is nothing prettier than this Honda. And this baby is going for S$18,000(if I'm not wrong). *sigh* I want my own Fireblade. I want it now but it's impossible cause it'll take another 2 - 3 years to get licensed for it. I've given up on ever owning 4 wheeled exoticas. All I see in my future 'wheeled' toys have only 2 wheels. Bikes being 3 - 4 times cheaper means I can comfortably own a few(if finances allow) without being tied to a bloody monthly loan. I'll be happy if I have just these 3 bikes....

1. Dirtbike - Yamaha WR200 / KTM EXC 200
2. Cruiser - Harley Sportster 883
3. Sports - Yamaha R1 / Honda Fireblade / Ducati Monster(only if I've got thousand dollar bills oozing from my pores)

Yep, this would be a very comprehensive collection. Even with these 3, it's still cheaper than owning a Toyota Vios in Singapore with 10 times the thrills albeit 10 times more likely to lose a limb. But I accept that risk.

I want my two-wheeled monster @ 1335hrs

Not another week like this....please?

2151hrs: I spent my weekend packing up the house and doing things I haven't had time to do. Like re-washing that Deuter bag of mine. I came home today hoping it'll be the last time I have to wash it but seeing it just now only made me curse. I mean this time I scrubbed with detergent and a brush with plastic bristles but the FUCKING sticky residue remains. FUCK! The bag is driving me fucking crazy. I'm not regretting lending it to my friend but I don't know. This thing with the bag is driving me crazy. Everytime I see that sticky fucking residue on my bag my blood pressure starts skyrocketing. I have a good mind to throw the fucking bag away cause it's better out of sight and out of mind than getting pissed off everytime I see it. It's such a fucking sticky (pun unintended) issue because I lent the bag to a good friend. It's not really his fault. It's the fucking Thai airport's fucking fault who used that fucking tape that's fucking me up so bad. I do hope some kind terrorist blows that airport to kingdom come. Arrggghhhhh! FUCK!

I'm still not sleeping well. I can't remember the last time I had an unbroken night's rest and woke up refreshed the next day. This constant fatigue is taking a heavy toll on me. It's making me forgetful and very irritable at work. It's not a good thing. I don't know where this insomnia is coming from. I don't have anything on my mind that should be causing this sleeplessness. But this thing is really killing me, bad. My head is so heavy now I can't hold it straight. But when I lie down, my mind just doesn't switch off. It refuses to switch off. Even the flu meds the doc gave me to help me sleep doesn't work. If this goes on any further I might have to start asking for some tranquilizers. I'm trying very hard to avoid that but this can't go on. My mental health is suffering very badly. I was so tired I didn't even have an appetite for lunch today. I really don't know what to do if this goes on. It's a good thing this week is only a 3 day work week for me. Tomorrow's my last day of work for this week. I need help.

God help me cause I just don't know what to do. I'm going crazy.

Gravity by John Mayer

Gravity, is working against me

And gravity, wants to bring me down
Oh, I've never known what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Whoa, gravity is working against me
And gravity, it wants to bring me down
Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

Whoa gravity, stay the hell away from me
Whoa gravity, has taken better man than me
Now how can that be
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is

God, please grant some sleep to the weary @ 2213hrs

I shouldn't do this to myself...

0004hrs: I know I shouldn't dream about love. I know my focus should be somewhere else. But I want to know I've still got charm. I wanna know that I haven't turned weird that I'm not returning to that shy little boy from my teens. I know it's the loneliness affecting me more than anything else. It's continuing to close in on me.

The love ballads I listen to are affecting me. I hate it.



I love this Korean song. More cause of the MTV than anything else. It's tragedy. I love tragedies. This song is by the Korean girl band 'Kiss' and is titled 'Because I'm a Girl'. Watch the MTV and read the translated lyrics. This is the only Korean MTV that's ever come close to making me cry. I don't spend much time on dramas or movies on romance. But this MTV strikes a chord somewhere in my stone cold heart. This song is so popular it's been covered in Mandarin, Cantonese, Thai, French and Vietnamese.

Aye, I shouldn't let these things get to me but they are.

Drowning in loneliness......@ 0015hrs

Tough week

1625hrs: It's been a tough week. It really has. This week has probably been one of the toughest I've had in a long time. I haven't been sleeping well all week. It's not that I don't sleep enough. I go to bed almost on time. The problem is after I fall asleep, I jolt awake at the oddest times. 4am or 5am I find myself awake for no reason. The brain needs to complete at least one wave cycle to be well rested. During the deep wave sleep also known as the Rapid Eye Movement sleep is when the brain is really resting. These annoying interruptions in my sleep are causing me to wake up in the morning feeling like I haven't rested at all. I am tired. I am so so tired. And when I'm tired, I make mistakes. My emotions go on a rollercoaster and I'm just not myself. I'm less tolerant of people and all I wanna do is to lash out at anyone who crosses me.

This week, mistakes I made a few weeks ago in my work surfaced. Mis-filed paperwork and redoing things I've already done. Sometimes I think this job just isn't for me(wait, I know this job isn't for me). I'm a person who can't keep track of things. For the most part I'd just like to do something and be done with it. But this job isn't like that. I have to remember things I've done awhile back lest it resurrects and gets re-done. I'm not doing what I wanna do. Then again, I don't think I've ever done anything I've wanted to do. I just seem to be adrift in an angry sea known as my life. There's no control, the current controls me. I'm not helming the ship and it's destroying me. There are times I wonder if I really want this life at all. After I've made such a mess of it. Although I didn't start it, I didn't end it either. I've let it grow out of control like vines round an old oak tree. Stealing it's life, squeezing my life. What of my life has it become?

I just want the work day to end. I wanna go home, take a nice hot shower, prop my feet up and just nurse my barcardi till it's time for bed. I want to go home and forget about work.

I have a life, I'm living a lie @ 1644hrs

Two wheels is kinda fun

2158hrs: I just completed my second bike lesson on Friday and it was quite enjoyable. But before I delve into the recent lesson, lemme tell you bout the first.

The first lesson was H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E! It was conducted at 1245hrs when the Sun was at it's hottest. I have never ever been under the Sun for so long and have never felt heat more intense. With the helmet on, I swear my brain was sizzling on the inside. The first 30mins was ok and I handled the bike relatively well for a beginner. But after 45mins I just couldn't take it anymore. The heat was just too much. I hadn't even gone through anything this bad in the army. After an hour I started feeling sick. I swear I thought was gonna get a heat stroke. So after about an hour, I called it quits even though the lesson was for 100mins. But the heat was just too much. 'Why didn't you just book an evening lesson in the first place', I hear you say. Well, I couldn't. That first lesson had to be at that timing because the orientation was only at that timing. But I swore to myself that I'll take only evening or night lessons from now on.

Ok...now that I've related my horrible first lesson, lemme tell you how much fun the second was. I was still stuck in the little circuit learning how to shift from gear one to two and how to stop. But after about 40 mins of it, they let me out on the bigger circuit. The bigger circuit allows you to stretch your legs a little more and permits gear shifts up to 4th. Which means speeding along at about 50kmh. I realised I was a lot more comfortable in the bigger circuit with a little more speed. So I took it slow on the first lap round the circuit. No problems. Alright, second lap was a little faster. I managed to shift up to 3. Now on the third lap I admit I was getting a little cocky. I upshifted to 4th and was travelling at 50kmh for a short period of time. I've got the upshifting and downshifting nailed. Albeit still a little awkward. But I was comfortable riding and it started to dawn on me the sorta 'freedom' much talked about among motorbike enthusiasts. I understood. On my fifth lap I was overtaking people who were slowing down for no good reason. I was really enjoying myself now. But on my sixth and final lap, my luck ran out. There's a short straight between the 3rd and 4th corners on the circuit. You could realistically hit about 40kmh if there're no learner drivers blocking your way. So I was travelling along this straight in 3rd gear when I got the shock of my life. The bike leapt forward surprising me and when it did, my right hand pulled on the throttle which caused the engine to scream like a spooked horse while it hurtled faster into the next corner. I panicked! Of course I panicked! I mean the bike caught me off guard. A couple of seconds passed before my senses came back and I managed to disengage the clutch and put on the brakes. I managed to slow down enough not to get thrown into the bushes. After the adrenaline wore off, I had time to sit and think about what I did that caused the bike to go off and buckle like a wild bronco threatening to throw me off. I did something stupid. My left leg must've inadvertently pressed on the gear lever and caused it to down shift. And because I didn't disengage the clutch before shifting, it caused the bike to jerk. Which then caused my right hand to pull on the throttle harder and well...you know the rest.

That stupid stunt happened only cause I'm still new to this two wheeled machine. I shudder to think what would've happened if it occurred on the roads. I'll definitely be plastered to a guard rail somewhere. I hope it never happens again cause it really did freak me out. Besides that little scare, the lesson was fun. I just gotta be careful where I put my foot next time.

Looking forward to more two wheeled fun @ 2232hrs

Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend....

1959hrs: I want to wail and flail my arms wild cause I just lost my favourite piece of technology. I've misplaced my fantastic, perfectly 'burned-in' Shure E2Cs. They're gone and they can't be found. My sweet sweet sounding Shures. Gone....

The last time I saw the earphones was on Friday morning when I used them on the way to work in the bus. I kept them in my bag(at least I thought I did) just before I got off the bus and I haven't used them until today. I haven't used them over the weekend but when I wanted them this morning, they couldn't be found. I didn't have time to search the house this morning cause I was rushing for work. But I just finished searching the house and they can't be found. The only logical place for them to be is in the bus where I think they must've fallen from my bag.

What am I going to do? I can't exactly go out and buy myself another pair of $160++ earphones now. My budget this month can't handle that. Now my iPod is next to useless without those earphones. It's pointless trying to use anything else to listen to it. Once you've used Shures, nothing, I REPEAT, NOTHING sounds as good. I miss them right now.

The only hope I have now is tha the bus driver finds it in the bus(I take a private bus to work). But it's been 6 days! Chances are slim to none that he will actually find it. But I hope and I pray he does.

Goodbye My Lover
by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(x2)

Bummed....absolutely completely utterly bummed... @ 2008hrs

2347hrs: Ok...this one's funny....

Greek Philosophers

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to test what you're going to say."

"The first test is Truth, have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not."

"Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness, is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness, is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

Off to bed! @ 2348hrs