Eternal struggle of the hapless soul
2101hrs: I couldn't sleep well last night but it's only because I didn't know where I should go from now. I made up my mind to stop all my wrong doings there and there last night. To release myself from the shame of my decadent lifestyle. And I think the first step(most important step) would be to go to church this Saturday and seek forgiveness from God. I know all the things I've done may have already booked myself a place in Hell but if I were to continue, I'd have a condominium for me in hell with the Prince of Darkness as my butler.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and introspection. And I chanced upon an entry I wrote back in January this year. About how I wanted to turn things around. To make something of my intelligence. And to get out of this torturous cycle of life I've led for the past 3 coming to 4 years. It's time to come out behind the shadow of my childhood and look towards the blue skies beyond. I'd like to live a life beyond the gloom and grey that my family casts upon me.
I really did feel a sense of freedom today as I walked towards camp. Catching the rays of Sun peeking through the clouds. Knowing a change is coming but yet there is a sense of trepidation. I have made attempts to right my wrongs before but I inevitably failed. But I just don't want to return to the Dark Ages of my past. I was meant for so much more but I've always sold myself short. I do want to become the man I've dreamt of becoming. Someone far unlike my Dad. A righteous man. At the very least, one that can live with himself at the end of the day when he's home staring himself in the mirror.
A friend of mine helped me along towards salvation by explaining this to me. God sent his son Jesus down so as to absolve all of our sins past, present and future. That I as a sinner shouldn't be ashamed to enter the House of God because I'm a sinner. It contradicts the sacrifice Jesus gave to save us. If I continue to believe as a sinner I am unworthy of the Almighty's eye, the emptiness in my soul would only drive me deeper into my sins and further from salvation. It's a self-destructive cycle.
Come tomorrow I'll be going for simulated range. And I will blast away my frustrations, unworthiness and shame all at once. It is a celebration for K, G and B(I'm moderately schizophrenic) that we're saving ourselves. To rid ourselves of the dirt we've accumulated on our hearts and to be joyful again.
Note: Through this process of salvation I have also learnt a little more of someone. I do look forward to writing down my discoveries but I do hope I would still remember them come Friday evening.
Rejoicing at 2122hrs
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and introspection. And I chanced upon an entry I wrote back in January this year. About how I wanted to turn things around. To make something of my intelligence. And to get out of this torturous cycle of life I've led for the past 3 coming to 4 years. It's time to come out behind the shadow of my childhood and look towards the blue skies beyond. I'd like to live a life beyond the gloom and grey that my family casts upon me.
I really did feel a sense of freedom today as I walked towards camp. Catching the rays of Sun peeking through the clouds. Knowing a change is coming but yet there is a sense of trepidation. I have made attempts to right my wrongs before but I inevitably failed. But I just don't want to return to the Dark Ages of my past. I was meant for so much more but I've always sold myself short. I do want to become the man I've dreamt of becoming. Someone far unlike my Dad. A righteous man. At the very least, one that can live with himself at the end of the day when he's home staring himself in the mirror.
A friend of mine helped me along towards salvation by explaining this to me. God sent his son Jesus down so as to absolve all of our sins past, present and future. That I as a sinner shouldn't be ashamed to enter the House of God because I'm a sinner. It contradicts the sacrifice Jesus gave to save us. If I continue to believe as a sinner I am unworthy of the Almighty's eye, the emptiness in my soul would only drive me deeper into my sins and further from salvation. It's a self-destructive cycle.
Come tomorrow I'll be going for simulated range. And I will blast away my frustrations, unworthiness and shame all at once. It is a celebration for K, G and B(I'm moderately schizophrenic) that we're saving ourselves. To rid ourselves of the dirt we've accumulated on our hearts and to be joyful again.
Note: Through this process of salvation I have also learnt a little more of someone. I do look forward to writing down my discoveries but I do hope I would still remember them come Friday evening.
Rejoicing at 2122hrs
posted by Ben at 9:22 PM
1 Comments:
you are talking about cyf right?
or the more older group set up by Lai, Jon Tang, Ada and Poh.. etc..
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