Release me...

2301hrs: Just came home from my Uncle's place. Was so bored there wishing I had brought my book along. And when I was settling down to read the papers, my cousin came outta no where to give me a talk about Christianity and why it's so great. And that I seem aimless and maybe God might help me find my true calling in life. I do agree that a person's soul needs the graces of God to live a healthy normal existence. But even if I did yearn for some religious guidiance, I'll go back to Catholicism not Christianity. The IRA didn't fight the Anglicans for nothing you know? There I was listening to a constant drone about religion when all I wanted to do was to read the papers. While having a headache and just feeling crap. I admit that I've become from bad to worse since I've left church. And I'm commiting more sins everyday and every time I do, I lose a little bit of my humanity. My emotions no longer seem to exist anymore it's just an exoskeleton now. Compassion? What's that? Love? That's a myth right? I just carry on a secluded miserable existence. The past 2 days has been nothing more than constant fatigue. Yesterday I was fatigued cause I had guard duty the previous day and some really fucked up thing happened when I was leaving camp. And besides, I was a little tired from pumping iron. And today I feel a little off cause of cycling. If today was any indication, I'm severely out of shape and perhaps headed for an early death. I got so winded only after a few klicks today. Arrggghhh...I wanna get back into shape I feel so weak. And I need to get rid of that layer of fat that's hiding my abs. I think I'm not making much sense now...think I'll go sleep.

Still conflicted at 2325