Diary

2214hrs: Somehow I had an inkling this morning that today was not gonna be a boring normal day. Well I haven't had music playing while commuting for a really long time ever since I sold my iPod. But something in me thought to bring the little FM radio along this morning. While listening to Gold 90 this morning, a beautiful song began playing. It's a wonder how a song could bring perhaps a little clarity to my current plight. As I listened to the first few verses, I thought this to be a nice love song. It was not to be, the ending tugged at my heartstrings awhile and my thoughts immediately reverted to someone. The song was 'Diary' by David Gates(an extremely talented artiste I might add) and you'll see what I mean at the end of this entry where the lyrics are. Then immediately after David sang the last tunes, a familar song came on. I cracked a smile thinking about the irony of the moment. The song was 'She Was Only Sixteen' and it's a special song because I used to peg this song to beary. And not only did they play the song, they played the Dr Hook version rather than the more popular rendition by Sam Cooke. I accepted that the morning ride to camp was unusual but rather amusing.

As I was walking towards my camp, I caught a glimpse of the dawning sky. It was pretty clear, splotched lightly with wispy cirrus clouds rolling along gently. In the corner of my eye I saw this thin band of cloud that resembled a milky stream cutting the wide blue expanse dividing it into equal parts stretching out as far as the eye could see. It reached out right over the horizon. How I wished at that moment I could get on a jet and just follow this 'highway' in the air just to see where it leads to. It was quite a sight with the rising sun reflecting off parts of it.

My day in camp was pretty mundane. I spent the morning escorting contractors in. Although I've been told not to bring the book in, I brought it anyway. I just can't spend 3 hours staring into space. And I'll definitely fall asleep if I didn't find something to keep the neurons firing. I'm dog tired because I haven't been sleeping well the past 2 nights. And even now my brain is protesting and urging me to end this entry and go to bed. So as I was reading, I had to keep one ear trained on any approaching vehicles. I did have two very close calls but well I didn't get caught which was fine with me cause I managed to hit Chapter 34. The novel's already reaching it's climax and it's getting pretty exciting cause they're on the verge of exterminating all of mankind in an effort to 'cleanse' Nature of homo saipiens. According to the tree-huggers and bunny lovers, us humans are the parasitic species and must be eliminated before we hurt Mother Nature any further and only those who truly respected and thought about 'the great mother' should live. But I already know that they didn't succeed in exterminating mankind. But still the plot is interesting and I'll give my thoughts on it after I'm done with the book.

I had my worst asthma attack today. And the cause of it is extremely brainless. My friend and I being the bored people that we are started kicking up huge dust clouds in the sand trying to dirty eachother's boots. Well after a few minutes of that I started to get breathless and it got progressively worse. I could feel the clamping sensation on my chest and every minute it was taking more effort to catch a breath. It got to a point where a tingling sensation was forming in my extremities, an obvious sign of oxygen depravation. I was sitting there making huge efforts to breathe, took 2 puffs of the Ventolin which didn't help. My friend saw that I was starting to get pretty serious and suggested I tell my commander what's up. And besides, he didn't think that anyone in my camp would wanna give me CPR if I collapsed since most of them were guys. There's only a handful of gals around and I don't want any of them to give me the 'kiss of life'. I'd rather be dead. Anyways, I walked into the good Captain's office and told him I was getting an attack. He quickly shuffled me off to his car and sent me to the medical centre and even though he wasn't well, he didn't see the doc cause he had to rush back to the office for a meeting. By the time I got there, I was obviously having serious difficulties breathing and I was already starting to feel faint and was starting to panic. Yes, panic! Because at that point in time I really thought I was fast heading towards total respiratory failure. The medics seeing that I was in real emergency fast forwarded me to the doctor who immediately took my vitals, listened to my heart and lungs. At that point I was really panicking because all of a sudden I had so many medics over me all looking very concerned due to the seriousness of the situation. I'm sure their minds were occupied with thoughts of who's gonna be the lucky one to give me CPR. The doc made the decision to nebulize me and told me to relax because my vitals was pretty high. My blood pressure was going 144/60 and my pulse was 101BPM. And even though I was feeling better after the neb, my vitals were still pretty high. And as usual my hands were shaking and my knees were weak due to the neb(sounds like a song doesn't it?). Yes, now I've learnt the hard way how allergic I am to dust clouds and I guess I deserved that asthma attack.

I had to make a trip down to the city to get some of pics that've been developed. And even though by day's end my mind was already drained, I still made the trip. I pretty much slept most of the way and when I got up, I 'autopiloted' myself to my destination. My brain was already in sleep mode. I already knew my destination and route so the brain really wasn't needed so I walked on without paying attention to anything around me. Then I almost got a relapse(asthma) when beary appeared in front of me. She didn't go "BOO!" in front of me no, she just came up to say hi. The shock was more from seeing someone I wasn't really expecting to see pop up in front of me. Fine, I accepted the minute possibility that I might bump into her since she's out these last few days catching up with friends before she flies off on Sat. Of course I was happy to see her, so I just followed her about while she waited for her friend to show up. I felt funny because for one I was really tired and second, I really wasn't looking my best. My hair was in a mess but I comfort myself by telling myself that it's currently in transition phase and I can't do much about it. But my uniform looked shabby anyway and I just normally don't expect to see anyone I know when I'm like this. I admit I'm being a little too concerned over nothing. I usually don't care about the way I look but when I do, boy do I care. beary was quite nicely dressed today, it immediately occurred to me that she really knows how to 'show her stuff'. She's just funny, the other day when we went out, I was pretty much decked for wining and dining. All I lacked was an Aston Martin Vanquish and a beautiful lady to complete the scene. Yeah I had the beautiful lady just that she was dressed for the beach. I felt overdressed that night but it's little consequence since we didn't go anywhere fancy. So it was alright after all. Anyways she looks good both ways, whether she dresses casual, sexy, tomboyish or classy she's still beautiful in my eyes. Just wished she had the time to model for me so that I can practise my portrait shots. Maybe I'll ask her next time when I'm more competent with my camera? I'm still getting the focus point off right now and fill-in flash still whites out the shot. *sigh*

Anyways it's time to go rest cause I'm extremely fatigued and if I sleep late again, I'm gonna go nuts tomorrow. So goodnight 'yall.

Still conflicted at 2316hrs

Only Sixteen by Dr Hook

She was only sixteen, only sixteen
But I loved her so
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know
We'd laugh and we'd sing, and do funny things
And it made our hearts glow
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know
So why did I give my heart so fast, it never will happen again
But I was a mere child of sixteen, I've aged a year since then
She was only sixteen, only sixteen
Oooh with eyes that would glow
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know
So why did I give my heart so fast, it never will happen again
But I was a mere child of sixteen, I've aged a year since then
Now she was only sixteen, only sixteen
Oooh but I loved that girl so
But she was too young to fall in love
And I was too young to know
Yes she was too young to fall in love
And I, I was too young, I was much too young to know
______________________________________________________________

Diary by David Gates(Bread)

I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me
The words she'd written took me by surpise
you'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she'd waited for.
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
When she confronted with the writing there,
simply pretended not to care.
I passed it off as just in keeping with
her total disconcerting air
and though she tried to hide
the love that she denied,
wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
And as I go through my life, I will give to her my wife
all the sweet things I can find.
I found her diary underneath a tree.
and started reading about me.
The words began to stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me
Wouldn't you know it, she wouldn't show it.
and as I go through my life, I will wish for her his wife
all the sweet things she can find
all the sweet things they can find