She's really gone now...(since 0023hrs last night)

1420hrs: I got so frustrated last night I cried to sleep. I had spent 2 hours writing an entry about beary and when the time came to publish it, something screwed up. Everything's gone now all because I didn't possess the good sense to press 'Ctrl C' and put what I wrote on my computer so it won't be lost. But I was too fatigued to know it.So now everything's gone now and I felt a huge loss. I find solace in my writings and losing it especially stuff that meant something to me was just too much. I can't recollect what I wrote last night anymore but it was a lot and was mostly about beary.

Yes, she's gone now. She's somewhere in Frankfurt Airport sitting around in the transit lounge waiting for the 2nd leg of her journey to JFK International. After a 13 hour flight from Singapore to Frankfurt at a speed of 0.75 Mach, that puts her 11947 kilometres(7,424 miles) away from me now. She'll arrive in New York after a 9 hour flight at 1050hrs(Singapore 2350hrs). 22 hours of flight time, that's almost a whole day in the air. Poor beary. And then it's another domestic flight to Rhode Island then to Brown. She must be feeling really crummy when she finally gets home. I wish I could make it better for her but there's no practical way of doing it. Although hijacking an F-16D might shorten the trip, I don't think I'll be able to do that without getting shot down by somone over Europe or worst, Asia.

I actually was intending to send her off last night and pass her something. Anyways it would've been awkward for me since I'll be the only one sending her off besides her family. And she said she didn't think it was necessary. Her exact words were, "Actually, in all truth, I'd rather you not come. Nothing to do with you, feeling really anti-social today, just in a bad mood I guess. Sorry". After being around for so long, I've learnt that whenever a girl says "Nothing to do with you" or "Nothing to do with you, it's all me". More often than not it's something to do with you. But there's really no point in driving myself crazy over this, is there? Soon she's gonna be half a world away from me for the next year or so. There isn't much sense in thinking about her anymore and I guess it's out of sight, out of mind. She didn't even say goodbye to me when she left and I know I shouldn't feel too bad about it but it would've been nice if she did. Since we probably won't be talking for the next year.

I was thinking about a going away present for her on Friday night. I was actually playing with the idea of getting her an iPod mini since she wanted one so much. I just wanted to make her happy and seeing her happy makes me happy. I could easily afford one but what stopped me were the implications for such a gift. It just isn't right to give away such an extravagant(extravagant in view that the SAF doesn't pay me very much) gift even for a special friend. Like my friend said so many times, "Treat your friend well, your girlfriend better and your wife best". Which is true isn't it? And I can't let this habit of getting her stuff all the time develop further. What am I gonna do when I'm more affluent in the future? Give her the keys to that Jaguar S-Type that she likes so much? Of course I know she wouldn't accept such a gift and I'm doubtful she'll accept the iPod mini if she knew what the gift was. That's the kinda girl she is, not the type to be bought over with gifts. But I've already gotten her something. And I don't know what to do with it now. Do I mail it to her or just keep it till she comes back? I would really like to mail it to her but she didn't give me a mailing address and I don't like to keep stuff indefinitely.

So she's gone now and she's going further at this moment. Her flight in Frankfurt is taking off at this moment at 0820hrs(Singapore 1520hrs). Yes she's gonna be another 8271 kilometres(5,139 miles) away and she'll be 20218 kilometres(12,563 miles) away when she's in New York. And god knows how much more when she's in Rhode Island. I do hope she arrives home safely.

So I won't be seeing her for a long time to come. And perhaps in the next few days I won't be thinking about her anymore. Spending my 21st Birthday with her was more than I could've asked for a present. And I'll remember it for awhile. Hopefully by the time she's back, I'll be a much better person.

Note: I don't know if the entry I wrote last night was comparable to this in length but I'm sure it had a lot more substance to it.

Here's some pics from my birthday:


Yes, that's me with a huge bouquet(huge to me) for her cause the next day was her birthday she liked the flowers so much she insisted I take a photo with it


She looks happy doesn't she? She does seem to like flowers a lot.


Here's us at the Esplanade

練習 (劉德華)

如果留下多一秒鐘
可以減少明天想你的痛
我會願意放下所有
交換任何一絲絲可能的佔有

幸福只剩一杯沙漏
眼睜睜看著一幕幕甜蜜
不會再有原來平凡無奇的擁有
到現在竟像是無助的奢求

我已開始練習　開始慢慢著急
著急這世界沒有你
已經和眼淚說好不哭泣
但倒數計時的愛該怎麼繼續

我天天練習　天天都會熟悉
在沒有你的城市裡
試著刪除每個兩人世界裡
那些曾經共同擁有的一切美好和回憶

愛是一萬公頃的森林
迷了路的卻是我和你
不是說好一起闖出去
怎能剩我一人回去 回去


That's just one of those melodramatic songs I listen to

Still conflicted at 1558hrs