The Path of Least Existence*French accent*
1941hrs: There are days that I question the meaning of my existence and I’ve been having such days more often than ever since I’ve been conscripted. All I’ve wanted today was for this miserable day to end. I just wanted it to end, nothing else mattered. Everything that happened today just seemed to get from bad to worse to suicidal.
Firstly, I had little sleep last night because I stayed up past my bedtime to listen to someone’s problems but I got snapped at instead. Perhaps I should blame myself for being a busybody when I should’ve just gone to bed when it was time. Woke up this morning feeling all stoned and sleepy. I had to drag myself out of bed and then drag myself to the bus stop even though I’m so stoned. Then had a bloody shitty(literally) start to my morning. Started the day stepping on monkey shit you can’t go far in my base without seeing a pile of it. Nothing stinks like monkey shit and I almost wanted to hurl when I caught that putrid smell. I once suggested to my Commanding Officer that we should shoot the monkeys with air rifles because even he was stumped about the primate problem. There are 2 benefits to this idea:
1. We’ll rid the monkey infestation.
2. We’ll be having on the job marksmanship training on MOVING targets. The whole base will be filled with sharp shooters within a month. And we’ll have the most certified marksman in the whole of SAF. We’ll put even the Commandos to shame! Btw, we’re required to shoot once a year to stay proficient in shooting STATIONARY targets.
Sorry I digressed. Well after getting rid of the crap on my boots I realized my security pass was missing. The damned clip that holds the pass always comes loose and it chose a great time to come loose when I’m in the middle of the fucking depot(the depot is HUGE it takes more than 4 hours to trek from start to finish. So I spent the whole morning running all over the base looking for the damned pass. I traced back the path I took before entering the depot but I still couldn’t find the damned thing. If that wasn’t enough, I had the fucking officer breathing down my neck about where all the little fucks in my group were. So now I had to go run around the damned base looking for all the idiots in my group and find out where they’re going to. Fine, I found out where everyone was and reported back to the officer. I continued my search for the pass till lunch time. I still couldn’t find it. Oh and if you’re wondering why I’m so concerned about the pass, there’s a $50 fine if you lose the pass(now you know how SAF get its annual US$8 billion budget). I really can’t afford that $50 and besides the army doesn’t pay me enough. $50 is 1/7 of my paycheck!!! So fine my day’s already pretty fucked up as it is but no there were more niceties for me after lunch. I was still looking for the damned pass and I’m tired. I was resting in the mess when the sergeant came in. He saw some guys doing nothing while I was reading the papers. For some reason the superiors just don’t like seeing people relaxing. And even though they pay us less than what construction workers earn we’re supposed to work like dogs for the pittance we get. So he ordered all of us to go into the depot to pick up trash and leaves hanging on the fences. Now here’s the funny part. The depot is IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING JUNGLE!!! But that doesn’t matter as long as we’re kept occupied. So I get to go hiking again WHOOPEEDOO!!! It didn’t matter that I had to hike from the middle of depot to the main gate in the morning nooooooo. It’s ok cause it is ALL IN SERVICE OF OUR COUNTRY. I’m quite sure my specialist said I’m not suppose to be hiking so much. And he did notify the airheaded army doctors about my condition but nooooo I’m still hiking in and out EVERYDAY. Doesn’t matter that my knees were hurting. Doesn’t matter that they were cracking and making funny noises. Nope, doesn’t matter at all. So that was pretty much how my Tuesday went. Oh did I mention I spent Monday being a chambermaid? Yep, I was ordered to clean the bunk used by the officers and NCOs(sergeants). Wow, and I thought I left such nitty gritty work back on that godforsaken island(Tekong). I don’t even clean my room! And you’re asking me to do what? Clean your fucking bunk? Why don’t you make me wear a French maid uniform while you’re at it?!!! I don’t think superiority in rank entitles you to treat the lower ranks as servants. On military matters yes but on personal cleanliness, NO! My friend was flabbergasted(YES! I can use BIG words) when he heard I was ordered to clean bunks used by the officers. He told me they’re not supposed to do that. He advised that I should lodge a complaint if it happens again and I plan to do so.
So there you have it. An excerpt from my pathetic existence as an army conscript. So I’m asking myself. What’s the meaning of my existence? To live out the next 2 years in this pathetic state? How do I be positive about what I do everyday? Tell me! Its 2043hrs now and I’m gonna go sleep after making myself a sandwich for dinner. I’ve been given one more day to find the damned security pass or else I’ll have to pay that $50 fine. I really hope and pray really hard that I’ll find it tomorrow or at least some kind soul would pick it up and return it to the guardroom.
I just remembered. Something nice did happen to me today. I met an old friend at the bus stop. I was pretty busy when she called out to me. I was holding my handphone in one hand while trying to flag the bus down with the other and trying to avoid this girl in my way. I took about 2 seconds before I realized who she was. She does look very different but different in a good way. Even though I wasn’t really close to her last time I knew her as a kind and gentle person. She’s very sweet by nature and she’s one of those girls that I’ll go after but never know why I didn’t when I had the chance. I feel bad that I didn’t say a proper hi to her just now so I’m gonna go see if I’ve still got her number lying around somewhere and maybe I’ll give her a call this weekend just to catch up. Wow, she does look different.
Note: I’m not usually one who uses profanity in my everyday conversations. But sometimes there’s just no other word to describe the angst and unhappiness I feel. Do pardon me just this once. I've still got ulcers on my tongue and its causing me to talk with a lisp. I'mth tryth-ing tu talk ploperly buth it hurths.
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm"
Desperado by Eagles
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
Firstly, I had little sleep last night because I stayed up past my bedtime to listen to someone’s problems but I got snapped at instead. Perhaps I should blame myself for being a busybody when I should’ve just gone to bed when it was time. Woke up this morning feeling all stoned and sleepy. I had to drag myself out of bed and then drag myself to the bus stop even though I’m so stoned. Then had a bloody shitty(literally) start to my morning. Started the day stepping on monkey shit you can’t go far in my base without seeing a pile of it. Nothing stinks like monkey shit and I almost wanted to hurl when I caught that putrid smell. I once suggested to my Commanding Officer that we should shoot the monkeys with air rifles because even he was stumped about the primate problem. There are 2 benefits to this idea:
1. We’ll rid the monkey infestation.
2. We’ll be having on the job marksmanship training on MOVING targets. The whole base will be filled with sharp shooters within a month. And we’ll have the most certified marksman in the whole of SAF. We’ll put even the Commandos to shame! Btw, we’re required to shoot once a year to stay proficient in shooting STATIONARY targets.
Sorry I digressed. Well after getting rid of the crap on my boots I realized my security pass was missing. The damned clip that holds the pass always comes loose and it chose a great time to come loose when I’m in the middle of the fucking depot(the depot is HUGE it takes more than 4 hours to trek from start to finish. So I spent the whole morning running all over the base looking for the damned pass. I traced back the path I took before entering the depot but I still couldn’t find the damned thing. If that wasn’t enough, I had the fucking officer breathing down my neck about where all the little fucks in my group were. So now I had to go run around the damned base looking for all the idiots in my group and find out where they’re going to. Fine, I found out where everyone was and reported back to the officer. I continued my search for the pass till lunch time. I still couldn’t find it. Oh and if you’re wondering why I’m so concerned about the pass, there’s a $50 fine if you lose the pass(now you know how SAF get its annual US$8 billion budget). I really can’t afford that $50 and besides the army doesn’t pay me enough. $50 is 1/7 of my paycheck!!! So fine my day’s already pretty fucked up as it is but no there were more niceties for me after lunch. I was still looking for the damned pass and I’m tired. I was resting in the mess when the sergeant came in. He saw some guys doing nothing while I was reading the papers. For some reason the superiors just don’t like seeing people relaxing. And even though they pay us less than what construction workers earn we’re supposed to work like dogs for the pittance we get. So he ordered all of us to go into the depot to pick up trash and leaves hanging on the fences. Now here’s the funny part. The depot is IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING JUNGLE!!! But that doesn’t matter as long as we’re kept occupied. So I get to go hiking again WHOOPEEDOO!!! It didn’t matter that I had to hike from the middle of depot to the main gate in the morning nooooooo. It’s ok cause it is ALL IN SERVICE OF OUR COUNTRY. I’m quite sure my specialist said I’m not suppose to be hiking so much. And he did notify the airheaded army doctors about my condition but nooooo I’m still hiking in and out EVERYDAY. Doesn’t matter that my knees were hurting. Doesn’t matter that they were cracking and making funny noises. Nope, doesn’t matter at all. So that was pretty much how my Tuesday went. Oh did I mention I spent Monday being a chambermaid? Yep, I was ordered to clean the bunk used by the officers and NCOs(sergeants). Wow, and I thought I left such nitty gritty work back on that godforsaken island(Tekong). I don’t even clean my room! And you’re asking me to do what? Clean your fucking bunk? Why don’t you make me wear a French maid uniform while you’re at it?!!! I don’t think superiority in rank entitles you to treat the lower ranks as servants. On military matters yes but on personal cleanliness, NO! My friend was flabbergasted(YES! I can use BIG words) when he heard I was ordered to clean bunks used by the officers. He told me they’re not supposed to do that. He advised that I should lodge a complaint if it happens again and I plan to do so.
So there you have it. An excerpt from my pathetic existence as an army conscript. So I’m asking myself. What’s the meaning of my existence? To live out the next 2 years in this pathetic state? How do I be positive about what I do everyday? Tell me! Its 2043hrs now and I’m gonna go sleep after making myself a sandwich for dinner. I’ve been given one more day to find the damned security pass or else I’ll have to pay that $50 fine. I really hope and pray really hard that I’ll find it tomorrow or at least some kind soul would pick it up and return it to the guardroom.
I just remembered. Something nice did happen to me today. I met an old friend at the bus stop. I was pretty busy when she called out to me. I was holding my handphone in one hand while trying to flag the bus down with the other and trying to avoid this girl in my way. I took about 2 seconds before I realized who she was. She does look very different but different in a good way. Even though I wasn’t really close to her last time I knew her as a kind and gentle person. She’s very sweet by nature and she’s one of those girls that I’ll go after but never know why I didn’t when I had the chance. I feel bad that I didn’t say a proper hi to her just now so I’m gonna go see if I’ve still got her number lying around somewhere and maybe I’ll give her a call this weekend just to catch up. Wow, she does look different.
Note: I’m not usually one who uses profanity in my everyday conversations. But sometimes there’s just no other word to describe the angst and unhappiness I feel. Do pardon me just this once. I've still got ulcers on my tongue and its causing me to talk with a lisp. I'mth tryth-ing tu talk ploperly buth it hurths.
"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm"
Desperado by Eagles
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late
posted by Ben at 7:41 PM
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