Shhhh.....don't tell him

0108hrs: The friends I made from the office last November - December have all but withered away. I am slowly(if not already) flying solo again. Which, in all honesty, is fine with me. I'm accustomed to flying solo on occasions when my best pals are busy. I use the alone time to read, cycle, catch up on shows and so on. I'm by all measures, a loner. Which is why I'm always amused when people tell me I seem to be a sociable and outgoing chap. But that's besides the point of this entry. I've had this entry typed out in my head nicely all day but the delivery now is hindered by my severely fatigued state. I'm still not sleeping well. But I'll try to get to the point of this entry.

I found out last evening that my so called 'friends / buddies' in the office have been organising outings that exclude me. Which is fine because I've told them before that I don't seem to click well with them cause of the age difference. Knowing about the secret rendezvous only confirmed what I already guessed. But what I'm pissed about is that my 'so called buddy' in the office had to lie to me about it. I asked him a simple question yesterday before work ended, 'Where you going after work?'. He answers, 'Going out with friends'. Which I later learned from another buddy of mine that the 'friends' were actually all the temp staff in the office. Well, I'm happy that so called buddy of mine has broken into the clique. What I don't get was why he had to be so cryptic about it. It wasn't just him. This other colleague was just as cryptic. Fine, if you want to bring semantics into this argument, the 'so called buddy' didn't lie about anything. It was just the deception I didn't like. If I were insecure enough, perhaps this exclusion from the outings might plunge me into depression. But I'm not that insecure. In fact, I don't give two hoots bout going out with them.

I couldn't be bothered to speak to the 'so called buddy' at work today. I'm sorry I just don't wish to have my social circle tainted by people who partake in such juvenile playground tactics. Anyways in 4 working days it wouldn't matter if him(and the rest of the temp staff) and I are friends anymore. Either way I wouldn't see him or the rest of the temp staff anymore after next Thursday. It's no loss to me, no loss to them. I just don't understand the need for such deception.

I'm told that I make friends easily and it seems I lose them just as easily. It's true that I had a lot of fun with the friends I made in November - December last year. But as Janan so eloquently described in his blog, "If you're not headed in the same direction, then you're simply going to go separate ways eventually. Nobody actually travels in the same path, somewhere along the way these paths cross and you say hi for as long as you can, before you go along your way again.". But it's true isn't it? The ones who stick around end up as good pals you keep. Best friends are the ones who transcend the different paths we each take. These friends are the ones I try my best to keep. Even then, good friends do drift apart over time as well. One day we might / will all get too caught up in our careers, girlfriends / wives and family commitments.

Part of that is happening now. Perhaps Justin might think I'm being paranoid but he has a girlfriend now. And I understand that we might not meet up as often anymore because he'll spend most of his time with his girlfriend. Which is alright, I guess. Justin says I'll be doing the same too if I had a girlfriend. Maybe, maybe not. I never really had a girlfriend, I wouldn't know. I don't call the past experiences 'girlfriends' They were just expensive(financially & emotionally) and painful trips down the slippery slope of BGRs. Janan, Dom and Alex are busy with their studies but I'm thankful we still meet up during their hols. It's alright, I can fly solo without turning weird. I can keep myself amused. I just don't like doing it longer than I have to.

People are people @ 0156hrs