Smoke Rings In The Dark

0219hrs: In a blink my week of freedom is almost over. And you know what? I didn't hang out with anyone. Didn't go party(even though I'm on medical leave and I'm not supposed to). Nothing! I didn't do anything fun. The only thing I did was catch Transporter 2 which in my opinion is a grossly exaggerated show. How could a person survive a plane crash without even a scratch? In fact, how could anyone survive a spiraling plane that fell 30,000 ft???!!! What more, how could anyone make a 2 ton Audi A8 do a flip in mid-air and precisely 'shave' off a bomb attached to it's undercarriage? Anyways...refocus.

My sis asked me something a couple weeks back. She asked if I was lonely. The question stunned me for a moment cause I was ashamed to admit that I am in need of attention. Besides, I was wondering how she could've guessed since the last time I saw her was a few months before. Then I figured she probably got it from reading my diary. But then again, does my diary really make me sound like a lonely, hollow semblance of a homosaipien that forgot it's origins from a social species? That every sound I make is just a whisper in the dark?

I have people I can hang out with I guess. Actually, no I don’t. Like I’ve said and shown in a diagram from a previous entry, my social life is DEAD. It usually doesn’t bother me until I’ve got some time to sit around and in those moments I wish I had someone to sit and laugh with.

I do yearn for female companionship and only in these moments do I accept the idiosyncrasies and complications that come with it. I do wish I had someone to tease, laugh and do silly things with. Catching glimpses of her making cute faces when she’s concentrating on a task. Or just observe how she’d take 20 minutes to divide the food on her plate into individual food groups. To walk around with a bouquet in my hand while trying really hard to disassociate myself from the arm holding it. And watching her face light up when you present the bouquet of blue roses(I don’t know why blue roses but they seem to work well for me all the time).

No, I’m not suffering from any sexual frustration. Well I’m not expecting it for another decade or so. Stop it! I can see you guys laughing on the other side of your screens! My equipment are working just fine. In fact, they’re splendid just like how a 21 year old’s should be. All ready for action but ain’t getting any. But I don’t mind. Yes! My leviathan and I are two separate entities. It does what ‘IT’ wants to do and I do whatever I want to do. And this arrangement's been working well the last 21 years.

I’ll just leave you with these lyrics from a song I heard on Pensacola Wings of Gold. Would you believe it? Personally I find it a crappy show but I still watch it. Only cause there’s nothing better on the other channels. I'll play the song itself if I could but I haven't figured how to stream music onto a blog.

Smoke Rings In The Dark by Gary Allan

Well I won't make you tell me
What I've come to understand
You're a certain kind of woman and
I'm a different kind of man
I've tried to make you love me
You've tried to find a spark of the flame that burned and
Somehow turned to smoke ring in the dark

The loneliness within me
Takes a heavy toll
'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul and
The night is like a dagger
Long and cold and sharp
As I sit here on the front steps
Blowing smoke rings in the dark

I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone and
All I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart and
All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

The rain falls where it wants to
Wind blows where it will
Everything on earth goes somewhere
But I swear we're standin' still
So I'm not going to wake you
I'll go easy on your heart
I'll just touch your face and drift away
Like smoke rings in the dark

I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone and
All I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart and
All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

Awake at 0312hrs